Disenchanted April

April 12, 2020

A stroll through the misty and deserted streets of my new town was just what I needed this Easter morning.  It’s no substitute, though, for everything else I should be doing this time of year. My not-to-do list has quickly become a want-to-do list.

I’ll admit that there are perks to the homebound life.  But my own life was already fairly homebound pre-pandemic.  I’ve come to rely on a few key social events for my sense of connection.  Now I find myself staring down months of isolation with dread. The warmer weather both tempers this feeling and adds to it: could I even imagine a summer without outdoor concerts, art fairs, or bonfire parties? I’m not sure. I certainly don’t want to.

I might look forward to such a change of pace if I had chosen it for myself. I love walking, biking, watching the river, reading, making crafts, and tidying my apartment — when I don’t have to. This is the same restlessness I used to feel early in the summer, when I was cut off from the familiar structure of school. Despite the name, too much “free time” can be daunting.

I will try to take each day as it comes. If I set my own structure and (reasonable) expectations, this could be a rewarding time for me. In the end — and I never thought I’d have to type or even think this sentence — Queen Elizabeth is right: we will see one another again. Or, as someone in the social-media-sphere recently put it, “April Distance Brings May Existence.” I won’t hold my breath for a normal summer; normal is overrated anyway.