R&R

September 6, 2025

For all that I am happy when the weekend arrives, or that I am conscious of needing a break during the week, I am terrible at relaxing. If there’s a single chore left undone in my life, I spend all my time thinking about how I should be doing that instead of whatever I’m actually doing. I have been known to eschew reading and TV watching in favor of laying around doing nothing, telling myself I will do those activities when I have free time.

Like most moods, this tendency comes and goes. But my overactive brain won’t stop thinking about the goals I’ve set for myself, often to the point of preventing me from working toward those goals.

My life doesn’t have many deadlines outside of work — a fact for which I am very grateful. I recently sat in on a coffee shop conversation about the idea that all of the “shoulds” in our lives are really “wants”. To give an extreme example: you might say, “I should eat some lunch”, but what you mean is that you want to eat lunch because you’re choosing to experience good feelings instead of the consequences of not eating. I’m not sure of my opinion on all this, but it has been helpful to look at my life through this flipped perspective.

I load plenty of “shoulds” or obligations onto my plate in my daily life. These pressures are nearly all self-imposed or perceived rather than forced on me by others. Inevitably, they become too much for me to handle and I overcorrect, turning myself into a Ping-Pong ball bouncing between extremes.

While I could stand to relax more, I am skilled at recognizing when an opportunity has arisen to pause, reflect, and enjoy what I have — at counting my blessings. I can think of numerous things I could or should be doing right now to improve my life and the lives of others. Some of my blog posts were created from this restlessness (including the one you’re reading now). But another part of me understands how to live in the moment and rest. Instead of pursuing those coulds and shoulds today, I think I’ll stay right here.